Relationship Enrichment - Dr. John Gray 3 of 3

31. Women give more. Men want to get more.

32. Women want flowers to be purchased by men. And they should be cut- flowers. So that the flowers die and therefore the men have to go out and purchase them again and again. They do not want the romance to go out of the relationship. Men on the other hand feel that if they have done it once there is no necessity to do it again and again. But women want things and messages to be repeated again and again.

33. Women sometimes give hints viz. On Sunday they will mention that they are getting their hair cut on Thursday. This is to be taken as a warning signal. The hair cut must be noticed. If a woman has to ask how she looks after she has had a hair cut then there is no value placed on the man’s comment. It has to be noticed without being asked. Women put in much more effort in looking good. Men put in more effort in their work.

34. Man wants to be appreciated. Woman wants to be listened to and noticed. Men stress more on what they do while women stress more on their being.

35. Men think that by being flexible they are Mr. Agreeable and that is appreciated by women. Really speaking women want men to take charge and suggest something which they agree on. Mr. Agreeable is boring. The ideal metaphor is to have a man with a plan and a woman with a smile.

36. Sometimes the woman feels that she does everything according to what the man wants. At this point it is necessary for the woman to say “I’ll do it this time your way but next time we’ll do what I want.”

37. Women are always keeping score in a relationship viz. When a woman does anything for a man she always gives herself a point. Men keep score in business. Men need to keep score in a relationship too. They need to do something for the woman so that they too score points from the woman’s point of view.

38. At work the man’s perspective is not to unnecessarily interfere. A man feels that if he doesn’t ask then he is giving total freedom to the woman. But a woman who is a subordinate wants to be asked about her work because silence is taken to mean ‘non-involvement’.

39. Women like the small stuff. Chit-Chat. Occasionally ask some personal questions. The magic words are ‘What else?’

40. To free a man a woman needs to say ‘You don’t need to say or do anything and you don’t need to feel bad.’

41. Listening creates healing.

42 Women by nature give. But when they find that they are not getting anything in return they need to give to themselves. Men have no problem in giving to themselves. Men don’t give enough to others.

43. Men prefer women managers while they learn the job. After learning the job they prefer a male manager.

44. Men sprint faster. Women win the long distance.

45. In men testosterone lowers stress. In women oxytocin lowers stress. Affection, considerateness, being noticed is what produces the oxytocin in women. Therefore men need to learn new skills to produce oxytocin in women. Foreplay is more important for a woman than a man. A woman needs 20-30 minutes of stimulation. A man needs just 2-3 minutes.

46. Women want sensitive men but the danger is that if men become too sensitive then women don’t like it. They want men to be considerate but not to be too sensitive just like them.

47. Don’t try to fix or change your partner.

48. When husband and wife are business partners then there needs to be clear rules. There needs to be a clear demarcated time when no business is talked about.

49. Duty is important but being authentic is more important.

50. Women can be compared metaphorically to the moon. When the moon is full, women crave for sex. When it is half-full, a woman can have it not have it, it does not matter, and when it is a new moon she couldn’t care less.

51. There are different types of sex viz. Healthy, home cooked sex, Ferrari, junk food sex, and Gourmet sex. Once a month one could have Gourmet sex which means bringing in the romance by going out for a dinner and coming home to an atmosphere which slowly climaxes. Whenever he wants sex, and it is a quickie then give it to him. Provided on other occasions there is good, regular homemade sex. In order to arrive at a meaningful understanding one could have 3 candles signifying the 3 types of sex. Either partner finds it very difficult to know the real mood of the other. Depending on which candle is lit and by whom one can behave accordingly. The candle becomes the sign of the mood.