Relationship Enrichment - Dr. John Gray 2 of 3

16. Men are efficiency oriented. Must do it the easiest and fastest way. Women on the other hand feel that taking the shortest path between 2 points is boring. Women like variation. This is especially true in the bedroom. Men go by the same formula every time while women want variation. Men like uniforms and the same uniform. Men look good in a tuxedo or a suit and that’s it. Every time the same tuxedo or suit. Women like to change their dress; sometimes thrice or even more times in a day.

17. When John’s book ‘Men are from Mars, Women from Venus’ was on the bestseller list for 6 years in a row, John realized how narrowly focused in life he had become. He only gloated about his book being no. 1 on the bestseller list. John was missing the little things of life where his wife and children were concerned. Women are able to see the little things in life and be happy.

18. The more narrow the focus of a man the more stressed he is bound to get. He can’t notice anything else other than what he is focusing on at that moment. Women deal with lots of problems at the same time and the way they cope is to talk about them.

19. Men use their brain sequentially viz. one part at a time. Where women are concerned it is usually the whole brain at once.

20. Women lower stress through talking and sharing. The collectiveness and togetherness which they share is part of their feminity. Men lower their stress by being alone. Women’s attitude is that if we can’t do anything about it then let’s talk about it and suffer together. Men’s focus is on solving the problem. And if they can’t solve the problem then they make the problem disappear by forgetting about it.

21. Men always want to be right.

22. Women, unknowingly sabotage their success. They put themselves down because they want support. Women bond by putting themselves down. For example if one is late for a particular function in the office, the woman will say what an imbecile she is by not catching the right train or missing the connection because of some stupid mistake she made and so on. And other women who are also late will do the same.

23. Or if a woman is having a problem with the computer, she will call the so called expert from the computer department and tell him that she doesn’t know anything about computers and that she is very happy that he has come to her rescue and thereby push the guy way up there. But when he suggests a solution which she tends to disagree with, she doesn’t know how to tell him because if she does it, it makes him come crashing down and he reacts by saying that she has wasted his time. In this case one needs to resort to face saving devices like ‘whatever you have suggested will I am sure help me to figure it out (even if you see no utility in the suggestion).

24. As women more and more enter into the workplace their need to being listened to and understood is not being met. The workplace is efficiency oriented. They are becoming more and more isolated. They have to raise their children alone. Unseen and unheard. And this is causing them to go more and more into depression. The man focusses on work no matter what the problems are that are being experienced at home.

25. Man is efficiency oriented. He needs to feel needed. He needs problems to be solved. If there are no job opportunities or there is no effort called for to do something then the man feels depressed.

26. When women feel nurtured they feel happy. They are happy with the small things of life. Man likes to measure himself against the goal he has set for himself. Men behave like squirrels. They focus on one thing, dash towards it and once they reach there then they turn their focus on another thing and make a dash there and so on and so forth.

27. Men see the news on TV especially after coming home, because the problems they hear about and see make their problems seem that much smaller.

28. John’s soul sings when he teaches. Need to find one’s path and go along it. The fact that one feels fear is because it is one’s path. If it was not one’s path then one would not be so worried about whether one made an impact or not.

29. The truth is I deserve to be the way I am. I need not be bothered to be perfect in order to be loved. Once one lives in an atmosphere of perfect trust the more authentic one becomes, and the more authentic one becomes the more irresistible one becomes. The closer we are to who we truly are the more people will love us. There will always be people who do not love us.

30. Forgiveness is the key. If someone hurts then one needn’t hurt back. As Gandhi said, An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.